Ok, so normally my parents and I get along fine, but I'm just frustrated with my mom right now. I'm going to Europe in less than a month, and I was talking to her about it and she just doesn't ever say anything good about it. Like, I was talking about the free time we'd have when we're not doing group tours, and her reaction was like a sarcastic "Oh, great!" I mean, I understand a parent being concerned about their kid "leaving the nest", so to speak, for the first time, but there's a BIG difference between concern and paranoia that completely drains the joy and excitement out of the event!

The other thing is that I just turned 21, so I can legally have alcoholic beverages. I don't want to offend anyone, but I don't think there's anything wrong with having an alcoholic beverage as long as you don't get drunk or tipsy. I casually mentioned that I thought it would be fun to have my first alcoholic beverage be a glass of wine in Italy. I mean, what a fun first! I was even talking to my friend about this today, and she was like "Man, I wish I had thought of that!" But my mom, like, freaked out! It's like she doesn't trust me. She keeps pulling the "well, you don't know what a glass of wine is going to do to you and I don't want you learning the hard way!" It's not like I'm going to get drunk or be stupid and hang out in bars - I won't have time for that anyways. And it's not like I'll be having heavy, mixed drinks. Just a glass of wine with dinner.

I just don't know what to do. I want my mom to be excited for me to go to Europe, for one. And concerning the drinking thing, I feel guilty for even thinking about having a glass of wine! I mean, I wouldn't be doing anything legally wrong, or, in my opinion, morally wrong. I'm an adult, but that doesn't mean I want to disappoint my mom!

I don't really know what to think/do/say....really anything....

Thanks for listening, those of you who read this....

I totally understand about her taking the fun out of a event. you know, sadly you can't change that. you could try sitting down and explaining how you feel but I can't promise. My mom is the same way, only shes that bad about like.. going to camp.. this is a really sad answer and I hope you dont have to do this but.. I honestly just dont talk about things I'm supper excited about anymore with her, because I know she'll just be negative and drain my excitement away.. I'm sure you have lots of other people who are willing to listen and be happy for you? talk to them.

As fore the wine, I personally wont drink wine I dont think because of.. bad experiences with it.. I dont want to take a chance I cook with it though but I agree. She needs to respect your choice and trust you. On the other hand I understand her being scared that you'll take it too far... I even worry about that happening with someone I trust more then anyone or rather worried just because its so easy to do without even realizing hardly then your on this whole thing and ya its stupid but anyways. I'd honestly just pray for her. Pray she loosens up and is able to be excited and happy for you. Other then that try to stay positive - because even if shes being crabby about it your going. If I was still living at home at 21 ( I wont be ) I wouldn't ever be allowed to go.. ever so! try to enjoy it even if she can't!


p.s. about the disappointing your mom. - I dont think your doing anything that should be disappointing so.. shes deciding to be disappointed thats her problem. Hopefully she'll realize that you in a whole aren't your one choice about drinking, and she shouldn't be disappointed.

ooo.. I wanted to tell you. not cause I dont trust you or anything but.. careful with how much you drink at first. cause you could get drunk but more so if its your first ever wine you could get a bad tummy ache I did and I only had like.. three or four sips at first.

Awww, Musicgirl, I can't be very helpful about the first part of your post, as I've never experienced anything like that from my mum. But regarding the drinking I can, as my mum is fully teetotal (my dad isn't) and hates the thought of me drinking anything. And I have never been silly with it or got drunk, so she has no reason to worry about it or disapprove after all these years.

I find my best strategy is just to play it low-key - if you feel like an alcoholic drink, go ahead but don't talk it through with her or ask her opinion. Also, make sure she knows she can trust you. That is only going to come through proving that you don't get drunk on it! Now, I know you wouldn't, Musicgirl, so I hope that your mum will be able to see that in you too. Remember, at the end of the day, you are an adult and it is up to you to make these decisions. You are continuing to be respectful to her, by not getting drunk or abusing the privileges you have.

And as Beth said, really be careful the first time. Wine is not a fantastic starter drink (unless you have it at home and can monitor the amount) as the average restaurant glass will hold 2 units. If you haven't drunk before, you will notice 2 units!

You do have parent troubles! Whew...reading your post I was just thinking, "Man, this is a tough situation."

First I'll just say that I think drinking alcohol is unwise and borderline stupid, just so you know where I'm coming from. But...I won't focus on that because this is not the point of the topic.

There are two ways a person can handle parental issues. The first way is to do what they want to do and the second way is not to do what they want to do. I think this issue needs a lot of prayer because while you have valid points (you are old enough, it's your life), your mother also has valid points (you could get sick and hurt, she may have a hard time seeing you as a "big girl" now). At some point in every kid's life, one has to decide when to "break away" in a sense and make decisions for oneself. I think the biggest question to ask yourself is if this is going to affect your relationship with your mom long term. I think we could all agree that wine should not be the breaking point between mother and daughter.

I understand completely about the wine thing..my Mom had a similar reaction when I turned 21 and even to this day, she still lectures me about it. I got a lecture about DUIs the other day when I went to a party with some friends..I bought a Sprite and watched them get sick lol I've had some wine before and it was great so I don't mind drinking it now and then. Just be careful..when I had some wine, I was with some friends who were very careful to not let me have too much because I was driving (I had like, five sips).

And I guess I can see why she'd be nervous about letting you go to Europe, maybe that's why she's not excited? Or perhaps she's jealous?