Okay, here is my story with a few pictures inserted from our betrothal.... we wrote this and gave it out at one of my shower's since there was a lot of people that didn't understand why we did what we did.

This is a short explanation of what betrothal is and why we chose it versus dating/engagement or courtship/engagement.
Most importantly, neither dating or courtship are ever mentioned in the Bible. We have accepted Jesus as our Lord and Savior, and the Bible is His word; therefore, the Bible is the mandate for everything in our lives. There are several references to betrothal mentioned in Scripture, i.e. Joseph and Mary’s example in Luke 1:27. Additional scriptures are: Deuteronomy 20:7 and Deuteronomy 22: 22-27.

In our culture generally there is no commitment until the wedding, in betrothal the covenant begins at the outset of the relationship. Paul said in his second letter to the church in Corinth, “I have betrothed you to one Husband.” Jesus chose to use the metaphor of betrothal to describe his relationship with those who have accepted his invitation to the wedding feast of the Lamb.

When someone dates they know it may lead to marriage but it is not usually the primary focus of the relationship. This has led to the same idea in marriage; if you change your mind, end the relationship. In courtship an individual is considering marriage but there no commitment to continue the relationship. After the “engagement” there is still the option of backing out. In betrothal, once the covenant is entered into it is permanent.

In Biblical betrothal, the binding commitment begins when the couple enters into the covenant. A relationship with Jesus is a permanent covenant. We spend the remainder of our lives seeking to bring Him glory. Our desire is to please Him and do His will, and as the Bible says: “Delight yourself also in the Lord, and He shall give you the desires of your heart.” Psalm 37:4.

Our personal betrothal began on April 19th, 2006, but lets start at the beginning. Timothy: On the 28th of December 2005 my father Jonathan came to me and asked if I had ever considered Brittany as a wife, I immediately responded that the thought had never entered my mind. I could not help smiling despite my shock! I committed to Dad that I would pray about the matter and had a very difficult time focusing on what I was supposed to be doing the rest of the day.
The following day we had dinner at the Shafer home and until then I had not noticed how involved with everything Brittany was. That evening was the first time I could remember speaking to Brittany, she was trying to decide if she wanted to take her large camera to India when she, her father Dan, my father and my sister Bethany left on the 2nd of January. I had always envied her camera and so asked if she wanted to trade for the trip for my smaller one, she declined the offer at that time but I now have access to the camera!
On New Years day we gathered at one of the brothers homes and for the second time I spoke to Brittany. Later she told me this seemed strange to her as I had not spoken to her in the three years I had known the Shafer family.
On the 15th of January Bethany and Brittany wrote an email from India together in which Brittany said she would love to return to India someday.
Me & My Dad

Bethany (Timothy's sister) & I

I had traveled to India on two occasions previously and would like to return again at some point so at this point I still had not heard anything from the Lord but thought it likely He would speak that I should marry Brittany. The receipt of that email was the first point at which I began to have an emotional involvement in the consideration of Brittany.
On January 23rd Dad, Bethany, Dan, and Brittany returned from India; the following evening we had the Shafers over for dinner and an evening to share more fully how the Lord used their trip. During this evening I for the first time experienced something from Brittany’s angle; I enjoyed it throughly. Brittany: That night I was narrating through the photos and videos we took in India.
Timothy: As I was reading my Bible on the 10th of February the Lord spoke to me as I read the passage in 1 Samuel 3 where God calls Samuel three times in the night. I sensed the Lord wanted to tell me something so I closed my Bible and lay there waiting. I did not wait long before I sensed clearly that the Lord was speaking to me that I should marry Brittany. Two days later I told Dad what I felt the Lord saying. Dad was leaving for ministry in China for several weeks and so he said he thought it would be good to wait until he returned to move forward.
It may seem somewhat strange how little I knew about Brittany at this point but having been raised to be cautious and keep my heart pure I knew very little about any young lady and this included Brittany. On the 15th of February I decided to change that, I had a guess of how old Brittany was but was not sure so I stealthily asked for the list of birthdays we have which is very uncommon for me to do and Bethany wondered what was up.
Dad returned from China on the 6th of March and I was quite impatient to go to Dan although I knew I was not financially prepared for marriage. During this time I found out a few more things about Brittany, for example her favorite candy bar is a Twix. On the 28th of March the Lord asked me to lay down marriage and allow him to raise it up in his time; had you asked me if this would be difficult prior I would have said no, but the next several days were a real struggle as I tried to follow the Lord’s direction. After several days the Lord gave me victory and I was able to give it to Him and rest in that.
Only two days after this Dad came to me and said it was time to talk to Dan. This was Sunday the 2nd of April.
On the afternoon of the 5th I went to talk to Dan. At the time I had no idea if he had any inkling of anything the Lord was working in me and my parents. I arrived at the Shafers and walked into Dan’s office. Usually I would be more polite but I was quite nervous and when he said “what’s up?” I got right to the point and said “Probably not what you think, I would like to ask you for Brittany’s hand in marriage.” Dan later said if I had given him time he could have said what he thought I was there for. We talked about where I planned to live, how I planned to support a family, what I felt the Lord’s call on my life was and a number of other things. I left that afternoon with no clue that Dan and Traci (Brittany’s mother) had been praying and observing me for nearly six months prior to this.
Up to this point it has been my story but now it becomes more of our story.
Brittany: On April 12, 2006, a little before 10:00 p.m. I was getting in bed and my Mom walked into the bedroom that I share with my three sisters. She said, “Brittany, Dad wants to talk to you down in the shop.” I was very surprised and immediately started trying to figure out something I had done that I would get in trouble for. I couldn’t think of anything, but I was getting curious, and more nervous as I walked down there because Mom went with me, and she didn’t say anything and she wouldn’t look at me! My mind was racing with ideas about what it could be that Dad wanted, and at one point I thought, “maybe I’m getting married,” but I quickly dismissed the thought as absurd and ridiculous!
We walked into the office and I quickly looked at Dad to see if he seemed upset, but nope, he looked normal except for the big smile he had on his face. He told me to sit down, at which I thought, “This must be really serious!” I was going with him the next day to deliver some things to his customers and so he said, “You don’t have to get up early tomorrow.” I was irritated when he said that, since he had told me that earlier and I wanted to get to the point. He looked at Mom and they smiled at each other, and then they both looked at me. I was getting very nervous and more and more anxious to hear what in the world they were going to tell me that required so many smiles and secrets! Daddy looked at me and said, “Timothy asked to marry you.” The onrush of thoughts and feelings that followed that statement are beyond words, but let me assure you, I was very, very shocked, and I couldn’t say anything, so I immediately covered up my face with my hands. My initial thought was, “You are kidding... Timothy doesn’t really want to marry me!” I had never thought about the possibility of Timothy as my husband; I hardly knew him!
Once I had recovered some of my sanity I looked up and said, “Oh!” Dad and Mom smiled and asked me what I thought, my reply was, “I don’t know... I guess.” They both started laughing and I joined in, realizing how funny I sounded! I asked them what they thought and they told me how Timothy had been thinking about it for some time, and how they, and Jonathan and Connie, separately had felt it was of the Lord. Once I heard that I felt peace about it, and didn’t ask any more questions. Since it was getting late and we were leaving the next morning I decided to go to bed, as I got up to leave Daddy said, “Sleep good!” Needless to say, I did not sleep well. There were so many thoughts running through my head I could not stop thinking and yet I couldn’t think because there were too many things to think about! It was very frustrating!
On Friday the 14th, a family came up to stay with us, and we wanted to have a few families over for dessert so my Dad invited the Lindvall’s and another family. I was not happy with the knowledge that I would have to see Timothy before he knew that I knew that he had asked to marry me, but there wasn’t anything I could do, so I just hoped that it would be easy to ignore him with so many other people there.
When he walked in the door I purposely avoided the urge to look at him, and concentrated on what I was doing, and throughout the night if I was going to look at him I would make sure he wasn’t looking at me first. Everything was going fairly well, until I was talking to Bethany and she asked me if I had seen Timothy’s new camera. I knew that he had gotten a new camera, but I hadn’t seen it yet, so I replied that I hadn’t and she asked if I wanted to. I kind of shrugged my shoulders hoping that she would just drop the subject, but, unfortunately she didn’t and said, “Timothy!” Timothy turned around and looked at us and she asked him if she could see the camera, whereupon he threw it to her and we looked at it for a few seconds and she gave it back to him. I didn’t enjoy it at all, although I typically enjoy looking at cameras!
Timothy: I knew Brittany had gone with Dan all day the day before so I thought there was a chance he may have talked with her, the first thing I did when I walked in the door was to look at Brittany but she was doing something else and did not look at me at all. The rest of the evening I attempted to discreetly watch her to see if I could figure out if she knew anything, I never caught her glancing at me which is not surprising as I cannot remember a time that she had previous to this. At the end of the evening as my family was preparing to leave Dan told me he wanted to talk with me when we got back from a weekend out of town. I concluded that Brittany probably still had no clue but was not certain of this.
The next week on Tuesday Dan came and talked with me for a number of hours during which I learned he had already spoken with Brittany. We talked for some time and finally left it that he would let me know within 24 hours what would happen next.
Brittany: Tuesday evening when Daddy went to talk to Timothy I wasn’t as anxious as I thought I would be to hear the results. Mommy was the one who couldn’t wait for Dad to get back, and because Dad was gone during dinner, all my siblings were very curious as to why Daddy was gone, especially since we only told them it was a surprise.
Before Dad got back Mom and I realized that we had forgotten to take care of our friends animals while they were gone, so Stephen, Mom, and I went to their house to take care of that. Dad returned right before we did, but my sisters hadn’t noticed, and when we went to find Dad he had hidden somewhere. I looked for a little while and then decided I’d go up to the house to finish the dinner dishes. A few minutes later my sisters came up and told me that Daddy had been hiding behind our CNC and now he and Mommy were in the office talking. I went down there to hear what had happened, but I had to go outside and wait. It was cold and seemed like they were taking a lifetime, so I got in our van and waited. After a while I decided that if I went and got ready for bed they’d probably call me, so I did, and sure enough, as soon as I laid down Mom called and told me to come down.
When I got in the office Mom left and Dad told me that Timothy wasn’t ready financially for marriage and so Dad wanted to know if I would rather wait, and get betrothed later when he was more prepared, or get betrothed and wait. As I thought about it I couldn’t imagine waiting and getting betrothed later, so I opted for the other. Daddy called Mom back down and after she walked in he said, “Well, they’ll go ahead and get betrothed.”
We went up to the house and called all the kids to come and sit in the living room. Dad asked them all what they thought the surprise was, and each of them gave their guesses, among them were: a new CNC, a greenhouse, a new piano, and a trip to Argentina (which later came about). Dad asked me if I wanted to tell them, but I did not, so he said, “Brittany is getting married.” Stephen whistled and said, “Wow!” But my sisters were just shocked into silence, I think. Stephen asked, “Who,” and when they found out it was Timothy they were all very surprised. Joelle’s comment was, “This is so bizarre!” (Which she kept repeatedly saying that night and the next morning.)
We all went to bed shortly thereafter, but my sisters didn’t let me go to sleep for some time, because they kept asking questions!

~To Be Continued~

Timothy: I got a call from Dan the next morning at about 11 AM saying
they would like to proceed by having us betrothed. After consulting
with Dad it was decided that we would go to the Shafers that evening
for dessert. I was very excited and yet as we got in the van to go that
evening I confided to Mom that I felt my stomach sinking and was
extremely nervous. We arrived at the Shafers and I do not know if
Brittany looked at me or not, I do know I did not look at her. Everyone
was ushered into the living room in a somewhat unnatural and hurried
way while Dan and I went into the kitchen. He got me a glass, gave me a
pitcher of grape juice and then joined everyone in the living room.
I waited for what seemed an eternity to be sure that everyone was
seated, then walked into the livingroom stood in front of Brittany and
said while handing her the cup “this is the cup of the covenant.” I had
always had a fear that when it came time for me to do this with a young
lady she would make me wait while she thought about it before drinking
it but I was thankful that Brittany immediately drank the cup and then
handed it back to me. I was able to enjoy the rest of that evening much
more now that I did not have to do the “big event.” I told Brittany and
the rest of the family there how the Lord led me to this day. We were
all excited and some told how they had expected this and others how
surprised they were. After a wonderful evening we went home and I began
to wonder what would be the next step.
Brittany: On the 19th I was
sitting outside with Dad and Mom enjoying the beautiful weather and our
lunch, when Mom said to Dad, “Are you going to tell her?” Dad looked at
me and said that the Lindvall’s were going to come over for dessert
that evening. I just said, “Oh,” and Mom said, “Aren’t you nervous?! I
would be!” I wasn’t nervous until I realized that Timothy would be
proposing to me, and then after that I had butterflies the rest of the
day. When they arrived I started talking to Bethany by the back door,
but when she saw Timothy and Dad talking she stopped paying attention
to what I was saying; I went to get something in the living room and
Dad came over to me and whispered, “Sit down!” I chose a seat across
from Jonathan and Connie, and Jonathan said, “How are you?” I felt like
laughing, but I just smiled and said, “Very good, thank you!”
Timothy walked out with the cup and everyone immediately got quiet. He
walked over to me, handed it to me and I drank it, I had decided
beforehand that I had to drink it all as soon as he handed it to me or
I would’ve been afraid I’d spill it! After I drank it and handed it
back to him he said, “I go to prepare a place for you... hopefully
soon.” I enjoyed hearing Timothy’s side of the story, and everyone
else’s reactions!
Timothy, Bethany & I on the night we got betrothed

The next day was pick-up day for the food co-op that we belong to and
the pick up was at the Lindvall’s house. Mom and I went to pick it up
and as we walked up to their house Timothy walked out of his office and
said “Hello.” I knew that to be polite I had to say something so I
replied, “Good morning.” While we were there I talked to Bethany and
sat on the sofa with Joel and talked to him. He was quite talkative and
enjoyed asking all manner of questions! After I sat there for a little
bit Timothy came and sat across from me on the couch, which made me
very uncomfortable. I didn’t want to say anything, but feeling pressure
from the fact that we were betrothed and we really should say at least
something to each other I asked if he had slept well the night before.
He replied that he had and asked me if I had, I said that I had not,
and Joel, who was listening to our discourse said, “You were probably
thinking, huh!” I smiled and said, “Yes, I probably was!” He then went
further, “You were probably thinking that you were going to get
married!” I started laughing and replied that I had. That wasn’t far
enough for Joel, and he quickly said, “You were probably thinking about
how strong Timothy is!” At that Timothy and I both started laughing and Joel joined in!
Timothy: While Traci and Brittany were at our place I felt I should be
around but at this point Brittany carried what little conversation we
had, I really did not enjoy talking or even looking at Brittany. I was
excited but it was a strange situation and I did not quite know how to
react.
On Tuesday we had a meeting for the school my father runs so
we decided we would hijack the meeting and use it to announce our
betrothal. We did not tell anyone what would happen but we told them it
would be special and we really wanted them there. I was leaving for a
ministry trip with dad to Africa on the following Friday so Dad got up
and said I was going to share what the Lord had been doing in my life
the past several months. I began to share that dad had come to me with
someone to be praying about as a life partner but did not say who it
was for a while. Everyone was excited when I finally told who it was.
After I finished Dan shared their side of what had been happening and
then led me and Brittany in our vows which we had each chosen for
ourselves. Everyone prayed for us and then we brought two cakes one
that said ‘Timothy & Brittany’ and another that said‘ “This was the
Lords doing; it is marvelous in our eyes.” Psalm 118:23.’
The night we announced our betrothal

Brittany: All day Tuesday I was awaiting the meeting, looking forward
to seeing everyone’s reactions. I had a hard time acting like I didn’t
know what Timothy was talking about when he got up to share, but I was
glad I didn’t have to speak! After the meeting was over I was asked a
lot of questions and I had to tell my half of the story to several
groups of people. At the end of the night my face hurt from smiling so
much, and I was tired of talking!
Timothy: Over the months since
then there have been many special occasions, Brittany’s first birthday
with me invited, Thanksgiving and Christmas together, my birthday and
finally finally we get to look forward to the best day of all, our
wedding! As we have been betrothed I have learned to love Brittany with
all my heart, I never knew before how much love the Lord could give me
for another person. I am so glad I never gave my heart to another and
don’t have to carry memories that would hinder my relationship with
Brittany. Had I loved someone previous to Brittany my heart would be
scarred and I could not give her everything I have because I could
never forget.
Brittany: Through our betrothal I have learned so
much about God’s faithfulness and His love for us; it has been a time
to grow in the Lord and lean more fully on Him. I have had to surrender
my own will many times and trust that His timing is best; in the hard
times I felt as if it was too hard, but now that we can see the light
at the end of the tunnel I know that God’s timing is truly best. I have
been so blessed to watch Timothy grow and mature in many things, and I
am overjoyed that the Lord chose me to be his wife. I am so thankful
that I had the opportunity to experience betrothal. I have no regrets
that we chose to begin our relationship this way; nor do I feel as if I
have missed out on falling I in love prior to a commitment.
Both
of us: We hope that recounting what the Lord has worked in our lives
has instilled in you a desire to know Him more, and to experience what
He desires for all of us; a life that is surrendered to Him. We look
forward to seeing Him work in many ways in the coming years; we love
each and every one of you and desire to see His plan fulfilled in all
of our lives.

So, that is most of the story, but doesn't tell
about the wedding... someday I plan to write about it since it was so
different and so I don't permanently forget all the details (if I
haven't already! )

Brittany, you need to tell us more about betrothal. Or email me!

*hurries to the the second part of the story....*

Thanks for posting, Brittany!! I enjoyed reading it, cause I hadn't heard the whole story!

wowwww i love it... It actually sounds a quite similar to how we (Mennonites) do the whole getting married thing.. (normally) that was awesome... i loved it

I love your story I love hearing how God works out people's love stories!!
And you look so young in your photos from India!

It's always cool to hear how God works I'm happy for you guys!

Wow, that's so different! And so brave too! Your faith and trust is amazing. I have so many questions, but I guess the ones that jumped out immediately were: what denomination/sect are you? I have never heard of anyone doing it that way except, as Kris said above, people like Mennonites. And you look soooo young - I somehow thought from the way you posted that you were only a little younger than me, but clearly I must be very wrong?

I want to hear about the wedding now too!

Thanks guys!

To answer your questions... I am not Mennonite... I grew up going to Calvary Chapel until I was 14 then we moved up here and started going to a house church. The believers that we fellowship with are from all different backgrounds: Pentecostal, Presbyterian, Baptist, Church of Christ, etc. We try not to focus on the doctrinal issues when we are together, but on Jesus, since we all believe the basics pretty much the same it usually works out okay, but we sometimes have issues we have to work over. There are several couples in our fellowship that are getting/have been married recently (ours was the first in our circle) and each one of them is doing it differently. Sometime I'll write about theirs later.

I am 21, so I am not that much younger than you are, I still look young (lol) and when I was 17 (which I was in the pictures from India) people often thought I was 13 or 14.

And just to comment, because I know some of you are probably thinking it... I am NOT an overly-submissive, people pleaser kind of person that you can just walk over. The peace that I felt when Dad & Mom told me that Timothy had asked to marry me and I had consented was definitely of the Lord, as I normally would've said forget it, until I had thought about it for a while, since I tend to be a strong, leader type. So, it is amazing even to me that I reacted that way, but it is amazing to me now to see how perfectly Timothy & I fit together, it truly was the Lord's design!

Hehe, you are younger than I thought! (See my age on my avatar... )

Thanks for explaining that. It really is great how your love story was written for you and worked out. As I said, I have no idea if I could be that trusting and full of faith in a comparable situation. Do you feel like you have reached a stronger love because of the way that your betrothal was carried out? Don't feel you have to answer if that's too personal - it's just that Timothy's section in the story seemed to imply that he had and you didn't really discuss it!

so...my question is...when did you really know that you loved him?

Well...I knew you had to be younger than me as I know I am officially the second oldest person on here ....but I guess I would have put you about 24/25 from the way you post. That is meant as a compliment by the way!

That makes a lot of sense the way you explain it. I guess that if God has brought you together, then you will ultimately blend with each other perfectly. I know I couldn't have come to marriage that way, as I think it takes a certain type of person to be able to make it work, but I can understand how you said that you chose to love him.

Interestingly, I think that, if you didn't really know him beforehand, then 8 months really is on par for feeling like you truly love someone. I don't think many people would reach that stage of total commitment and wholehearted love much before than length of time, even if it was a relationship that they chose. Falling into a real, life-long love is not a lightning-fast process...at least I don't think it is!