Well, this came up in discussion over in the girls only section, and we thought it would be very neat to get everyones opinion on it! So...

What is over-sheltered?

Likely, as a home-schooled student, I would be considered "over-protected". I mean hey, I've never been to a sleepover, I don't have facebook... my parents really must have some issues!
But I disagree. All the above things are true, but... look at the odds. I have acted in a movie, I take professional singing lessons, I have performed many times with other musical instruments, taught a Bible class, have about 12 penpals. I have many friends, guys and gals, I got to professionaly model...And folks still ask what my parents do about socialization!

Now, I threw that in because I disagree with lots of people opinions on "over-protection". But I know many people have been over sheltered!

So, without any further remarks... go ahead!

Over-sheltered is not letting your kids realize what it's like in the real world. Kids have got to know what it's like out there or they'll be totally shocked when they leave home.

But, how much should you let them know?

Everything they need to survive. They've got to realize that life isn't fair and no one's going to say "that's ok, everything's fine, just try again. everyone loves you, and it's ok." No one is going to cut you any slack. You have to develop a tough skin. People need to know what it's like out there.

Over-sheltering is sheltering to the extent that a person is crippled in their life.

This isn't a matter of Facebook or movies. A child who isn't told enough about evil to have the tools to fight that evil is over-sheltered. If I can't swim, then I'd best know what a pool is so that I don't innocently step into the deep end. If I don't know what a rattlesnake looks like, I won't know to not pick one up (or at least...not to pick it up by the tail...picking it up right behind the head so it can't bite...that just makes other girls squeal ). Examples of "evil"...if I didn't know... *tries to think of good example* ... if I didn't know what "clubbing" was, then I wouldn't know that I shouldn't go clubbing when my fellow-students invited me. If I didn't know that there were people who would attack a young lass walking alone, I wouldn't know to be cautious when I walked to and from work or school or whatever.

Does that definition make sense?

Exactly, Elisabeth.

Hmm, I think there's a difference between over-sheltering and restricting/protecting, which Elisabeth summed up very nicely a few posts ago. In the case of the latter, both the parents and the child know about the "bad thing" - let's for the sake of argument use facebook. So, the child is fully aware how facebook works and what it is and the parents haven't tried to hide that from them. However, for whatever reason, the parents are uncomfortable with their child using facebook and therefore ban them from it, until they feel that they are mature enough to be able to handle it on their own and make correct judgements. The child may see that as restricting, the parents as protecting, but it comes down to the same root.

On the other hand, over-sheltering is based on not telling the child about "bad things" out there. I don't mean that everything needs to be explained in explicit detail to the child, but if the child isn't even aware of, say clubbing (to use Elisabeth's example), then they are being over-sheltered. The child is not being given the tools to deal with the issue in the future, when they reach an age that the parents deem suitable, but rather is left completely in the dark - and that's why they often tumble so much faster when they are exposed to the "bad thing". In fact, the child may not even necessarily know that it could be bad, or lead to problems, because they have no knowledge of how the "bad thing" operates or the effects it might have on their lives.

One can know what a murder is and yet be pure.