Because of our conversation in the Homosexual Clergy topic, this is where we can continue our discussion on divorce. I think the two main questions are Is it okay to get a divorce? and Can you marry after you've been divorced?. I think that's all unless someone has more they want to add.

In the Old Testament the Israelites were given laws about divorce (like in Deuteronomy 24). In Malachi 2:16 God said, "I hate divorce." Matthew 5:31 says, "It has been said, 'Anyone who divorces his wife must give her a certificate of divorce.'"

Matthew 19:3-9 wrote:

Some Pharisees came to him to test him. They asked, "Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for any and every reason?" "Haven't you read," he replied, "that at the beginning the Creator 'made them male and female,' and said, 'For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh'? So they are no longer two, but one. Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate." "Why then," they asked, "did Moses command that a man give his wife a certificate of divorce and send her away?" Jesus replied, "Moses permitted you to divorce your wives because your hearts were hard. But it was not this way from the beginning. I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for marital unfaithfulness, and marries another woman commits adultery."

1 Corinthians 7:10-11 wrote:

To the married I give this command (not I, but the Lord): A wife must not separate from her husband. But if she does, she must remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband. And a husband must not divorce his wife.

I believe these are the main passages. There might be more that I missed. I wrote all of this and now don't have the time to write my side, but I didn't want to just delete everything. So I'll be back later, but someone else can go first.

_________________
Jennifer
"Youth comes but once in a lifetime." Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

So, I believe that though God dislikes divorce (and who does, really?) people can still get divorced. Is it wise? I think it depends on the situation. I don't believe anyone should keep divorce as an option. When things get rough you shouldn't just bail. I do think adultery is the exception.

Now, the part I get confused about is the remarriage. Because Matthew 10:9 makes it sound like it's okay, but only if you were divorced because of marital unfaithfulness.

And what does it mean in 1 Corinthians when it says a woman can divorce her husband but a man can't divorce his wife? Any thoughts on that one?

Ok, I'm just going to post my oppinions based on what I've studied:

1. There are only two situations in which divorce should even be considered: 1) If you are married to an unbeliever and the unbeliever chooses to divorce you, you are free from the marriage and are able to remarry (note that the Christian is NOT the one to initiate the divorce!); and 2) In a situation where your spouse is continually committing acts of adultery - not just one "slip up" but a lifestyle of adultery and unfaithfulness - you can then let your unfaithful spouse go if he/she wishes. As I have studied it, these are the only two situations in which divorce is an option.

2. Then comes the question of abuse - what happens then? Well, biblically, I can't find abuse as a reason for divorce anywhere. However, even if you don't take the initiative to divorce the abusive spouse, you can get yourself and your children out of the house and perhaps legally separate yourself. Let him (or I guess it could be her?) make the decision on the divorce (or perhaps be forced by a judge/court to divorce). But in this, and any other marital problem, you've got to at least give your spouse a chance to repent and change his/her ways.

3. So, in other words, I believe that the only way a Christian should be divorced is if his/her spouse initiative and follows through with the divorce. The Christian spouse should not be the one to initiate. Why? Because the Christian is to example Christ to their spouse. I don't have time to go look it up, but Paul commanded Christian women to stay married to their unbelieving husbands and to submit to them in order to evangelize to them. Look at the book of Hosea. Hosea married a harlot - and didn't divorce her even though she was continuously unfaithful - in order to picture the relationship between God and Israel.

Marriage is a covenant, and in the ceremony, you promise to never break that covenant (till death do us part!). If, as Christians, we are to example Christ to an unbelieving spouse, divorce is not an option. Why? Because God NEVER divorced Israel! Israel played the harlot on more than one occasion but God remained faithful. The best way to evangelize an unbelieving spouse is to remain faithful as God is faithful even when he/she doesn't.

Ok, those are just my oppinions based on what I've studied in the Bible about divorce, marriage, and covenant. Just my oppinions - I realize I didn't really back them up with Scripture, but maybe I'll have time for that later....

I personally don't believe in getting a divorce except in the case of adultery. If the other spouse is mean, you can prosecute and have them put in jail for a few years, but don't neglect them during that time! Write letters, visit, and pray for him and make him fall in love with you again. Show him that you don't hate him but that you won't tolerate abuse.

I don't really like the idea of remarriage even in the cases where adultery caused the divorce. Why? Well, it would be very uncomfortable to be walking through the store with your new spouse and run into your old one. It would also be painful for and kids to know that their real father is out there somewhere and the man you have isn't daddy. Even if daddy did a very bad thing, it would be strange to know that you could run into him sometime. Make sense? (I don't feel like I express myself very well)

ive always been taught that once you were married.. no metter what your stuck til one of you dies. and i think i like that, cause otherwise, he wants out, and he klnows the only way ouyt is to cheat on you? he`ll go do it. and what if he rep[ented later?

That is a good thought. I actually heard of a man that cheated on his wife countless times, but she never gave up on him. Eventually, God got a hold of the man and saved him, and he repented. They've been together very happily since then.
Even in the case of adultery and cheating on each other, divorce should still be a worst-case scenario and absolutely last resort, not the first thing thought of.

It's very easy to say what we would do in a certain situation, but we really don't know what it would be like since we haven't been there. I know someone who has been terribly abused throughout her marriage and let it continue on and on. I assume from fear. Finally, when she got help, her husband had no remorse and didn't want help. She got a divorce. I don't blame her. She had to continue on with her life and repair her wounds. I don't think what she did was wrong. People deal with things differently, yes, but I have a very hard time seeing a woman terribly abused by her husband writing him letters in jail and visiting him. Sure, it's a nice thought, but I don't know that it would ever happpen. And honestly, any man who beats his wife and causes her harm should never be let out of jail. But that's a different topic.

The only way that I know that the "writing letters to the jailbird" works is because it's advice that I saw given in the No Greater Joy magazines, and they had examples of people who had done it.

[quote="Lily Among Thorns"]It's very easy to say what we would do in a certain situation, but we really don't know what it would be like since we haven't been there. [quote]

just goona say.. thats very true

I haven't read all the posts but...

When you get married you make a oath to each other and God "to death due us part" or whatever its basically the same oath however you word it, I don't think you should brake that oath. - People can get through cheating just like anything else, ( not saying its easy, but if you really love someone you don't just up and leave over that mistake ) Anyways When your married God makes you "one flesh" with your husband\wife I don't think that can ever be changed. Now, I personally don't know what I believe about the whole re-marry thing I'm a little confused on that one, Because if your one flesh even if you get divorced it doesn't make you not be one flesh there-fore if you remarry someone ...are you still one flesh with the other person? -which would be cheating. And I wont try to understand someone that has been through that and how they feel and their decision, So I'm not gonna say you should do this or that, But I do know that anything can be worked through and if you just give up and get a divorce after the first thing, That's weak. True love endures.

P.s. I also think married is between Man and God, Not man God and court system. I understand if some-one is continually abusing you but generally I think they should not be involved. Because they do not come from a God perspective or a Love\patience perspective,

Quote:

And honestly, any man who beats his wife and causes her harm should never be let out of jail. But that's a different topic

Not trying to argue with you, But isn't that pretty much exactly what Jesus preaches against? does Jesus not give unfailing, Mercy, Love and Grace?

I agree. I believe marriage should be considered a forver thing and people shouldn't get divorced whenever they get tired of each other or decide "it just isn't working out."

LeesBeth wrote:

Not trying to argue with you, But isn't that pretty much exactly what Jesus preaches against? does Jesus not give unfailing, Mercy, Love and Grace?

Yes, He does give unailing mercy, love, and grace. He doesn't preach against punishing those who have done wrong, though. Even back in the Old Testament God had rules about punishment for wrong-doing. I'm sorry, I guess I came off a little evil and cruel. Part of that was just my anger.

_________________
Jennifer
"Youth comes but once in a lifetime." Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

Okay Yeah, I do believe people should be punished, Thats a way people learn not to do something again. But I don't believe any-one should spend the rest of their life paying for a mistake when there is forgiviness in chrsit. - Thats not how he desires for us to live. Thats why he died for us, For entirnal life but also for forgiveness wile we'll still here on earth.